black sheep

she wants to know if you'll be willing to see her.

i stare at the message

i don't want to see her.

this is a woman who turned my childhood into something nasty

who brought a man into my life who enjoyed making my life hell

the difference? he wasn't drinking like she was. i don't know if that makes it worse.

they used to laugh at me

tell me how fucked up i am

yes, i have anxiety, yes, please help me have more

i'd love to have another panic attack while doing the dishes as you scream at me

because i heard you having sex and mentioned it

i didn't want to hear. does it matter to you? it didn't at the time.

you don't get to choose when to be a good mother

you either are, or you aren't. you're either there or you're not. you either take care of

     your child, or you don't. and she didn't.

i am the daughter. you are the adult. why am i the one acting like an adult?

why is the family who is supposed to love and support me acting like i am a villain?

my crime was cutting out a woman who abused me my whole life for a man she sees

     purely as a wallet

just because your mother treated you like shit doesn't make it okay.

i am not afraid to cut you out too if you push me towards her.